'Modi' replaces 'Gandhi' as most powerful surname: AC Nielsen

In a shocking upset, 'Modi' has replaced 'Gandhi' as the most powerful surname in India, said an AC Nielsen survey released today.

A visibly satisfied duo of Narendra Modi and Lalit Modi appeared together at launch of AC Nielsen report. An effusive Narendra Modi thanked people of Gujarat, his party workers and (weak) party leadership for their support. However, he was specially thankful to Controlled Bureau of Investigation (CBI) which made him so popular. He called this whole turn of event 'MODIfication'. He was also full of praise for former IPL Commissioner Lalit Modi whom he has invited to open a cheer leaders academy in the state.

Mr Lalit Modi, who flew all the way from some unknown island in the middle of his vacation to attend this event rubbished all charges leveled against him but thanked BCCI for continuously keeping him in the news. He also criticized BCCI's plans of doing away with cheer-leaders and IPL night parties which he thinks will bring disrepute to IPL and the game of Cricket.

The report has created quite a stir in political circle. The Congress headquarter which is usually abuzz with activity had an uneasy calm today. Later in the day, a meeting was convened at residence of Mrs. Sonia Gandhi to chart out future strategy.

Appearing from the meeting, Congress spokesman Mr. Abhishek Manu Singhvi discredited the report calling it 'a farce' and 'biased'. He refused to divulge any further detail as he said demotion of Gandhi surname was an internal matter of Congress. When probed further, he said that Mr. Rahul Gandhi has proposed to stay in a Dalit village; this time in Gujarat, to take Mr. Narendra Modi heads on. Mr. Rahul Gandhi also proposed to hire a consulting firm who will give a detailed advisory on improving Brand Gandhi. Meanwhile, Congress has also decided to request Mrs. Priyanka Vadra to use Gandhi surname till the time, Gandhi surname retains the top spot. It was also decided to ask Mr. Sharad Pawar to slow down the investigation against Mr. Lalit Modi as investigation will give him further air time. Similar directions are likely to be given to CBI for proceeding slowly against Mr. Narndra Modi.

Ms. Mayawati, UP Chief Minister demonised both Congress and BJP on this matter. She said the power of both Modi and Gandhi surname is an insult to Bahujan Samaj who will teach them both a lesson. However, she welcomed the idea of Mr. Rahul Gandhi spending his time in Dalit village in Gujarat rather than Uttar Pradesh.

However, third on the list, Khan surname's flag bearers Aamir, Shah Rukh and Salman have decided to keep the rivalry going among themselves. Salman said stopping fight amongst themselves was too much a price to pay for a random report.

In Mumbai, cutting the party line, Mr. Raj Thackrey, whose surname slipped 2 positions, met Mr. Bal and Uddhav Thackrey on the pretext of ill health of Mr. Raj Thackrey. They have devised the plan of pan-Maharashtra opposition to both Modi and Gandhi surnames.

BJP president Mr. Nitin Gadkari hoped that any opposition to these surnames will not hamper the relationship (whatever is left) between Shiv Sena and BJP. He congratulated Mr. Narendra Modi for his performance. However, he categorically denied that this report will have any impact on party's plans (whatever that is!!) on projecting Mr. Narendra Modi as Prime Minister candidate in next general elections.


The article was prepared for Faking News. It abides by the disclaimers of Faking News.

Some quick fitness tips

All of us are busy in our lives. Commuting, working, surfing etc may not leave us with much time for working out. Add to it our bad food habits and all you get is Fat cocktail of yourself. So, what to do in such a situation to slow down the fattening process, if not stay lean. All this without losing much of the fun of eating. Here are the quick tips for the busy bees.

1. NEVER miss your breakfast. Its the first and most important meal of the day. Remember the saying - "Breakfast like a king; lunch like a noble man and dinner like a beggar." However, if you are too busy, grab fruit or milk or a couple of slices of brown bread. If you want to eat something sinful too, breakfast is the meal to have it.
2. Stop eating white breads as they contain Maida (refined flour). Have whole wheat breads instead. Apart from being healthier, they are much tastier. A word of caution, do not have Brown Bread. Many companies just add a brown colour and sell it as healthy brown bread. Avoid it. Specifically ask whole wheat bread. Similarly, try and replace butter and cheese with peanut butter / fruit jam.
3. Have something at every 2-3 hours. Sounds ridiculous and impractical. It is. However, still try to grab something to whatever extent possible. Our body is as clever as our mind. When you don't eat for more than 2-3 hours, body goes from anabolic to catabolic state (to say it crudely, from fat burning to fat storage stage). You have to cheat your body by eating something at regular intervals to keep it into anabolic state. Best options are almonds, nuts, fruits, biscuits. Avoid eating wafers, sweets and fried items.
4. Try and have as much fibre as possible. It not only helps in digestion, it doesn't add a bit to calorie intake. Have lots of cucumber, tomato, carrot, cabbage. Even fruits like papaya, guava, apple, and orange are high in fibre.
   
5. HAVE LOTS OF WATER. There is no substitute to water. Keep your water bottle filled whenever you are working long hours. Regular intake of water not only keeps the metabolic rate high, it is good for eyes when working long hours or watching a movie. Have more water whenever you have coffee or alcohol, as these cause dehydration.
6. If you've had a heavy or fatty meal and are feeling guilty about it, do not miss your next meal to cover your guilt. Two wrongs do not make a right. Overeating takes your body to catabolic state and then no eating keeps it in catabolic state. So, have something light to bring body back to anabolic state.
7. There is a saying - "No carbs after 6". However that is utterly impractical and impossible for us to follow. However, avoid fatty food, carbonated drinks and sugar in dinner. If you have a sweet tooth, and you cant resist the temptation to have dessert, here is a tip. Do not have dessert that have both sugar and saturated fatty acids (deep fried). So avoid Gulab-jamun, jalebi etc. Instead, have fruits with ice-cream, chikki, nuts chocolates (small measures).

These are just some basic tips which do not mess much with the fun part of eating. Moreover, diet constitutes only one of the components of fitness. Other aspects are exercise and rest. Any questions are welcome. Lets stay fit :)