Die hard Sachin fans want unconditional apology from Sehwag

In an interesting development, thousands of die hard Sachin Tendulkar fans have sought unconditional apology from Virender Sehwag who had broken Sachin's world record of highest ODI score.

"This is just unacceptable. How can a person like Sehwag do that to his hero. I liked Sehwag but no more. He should immediately seek apology from Sachin and all his fans", said Prateek Kumar, a student of Patna university, the anger and disbelief clearly evident. "This could seriously hamper Sachin's chance of getting Bharat Ratna. At this time, we needed to stand united behind Sachin. At least Sehwag could have waited till Bharat Ratna was awarded to Sachin", said Anil Patil, a cloth merchant from Mumbai.

The demand for apology is growing louder across India. In Bangalore, members of Sachin Is God , a group which boasts of having most staunch Sachin's supporters, has decided to organise a candle march from Cubbon Park to Freedom Park. "Our protest will continue till Sehwag seeks an unconditional apology from God", said Aniruddha, a software engineer and co-founder of Sachin is God .

Despite all his heroics, Sehwag could not win hearts of many from the city in which he scored his double century. "I came all the way from Bhopal to watch Sachin's hundredth century as there were rumors that he will play. Instead I witnessed his own record being shattered. This is clear case of cheating. I want my money back. BCCI should pressurise ICC to cancel this match", said an enraged Dr. Sahil Joshi, a medical practitioner from Bhopal.

The anguish among Sachin's fans was also evident on social networking websites like Facebook and Twitter. " Sachin's record is broken in his absence. Disgrace", tweeted anuraag. The hashtag #sorrysachin was most popular hashtag on Twitter yesterday.

Disclaimer: This article is a figment of imagination

Congress thinks world will end in 2012; doesn’t give a damn about 2014 election

We don’t give a damn. Do whatever you can!!”, said Congress spokesperson Manish Tewari, who was at his confident best, a quality so rarely seen in any Congress spokesperson in a long time specially since Anna Hazare had announced his fast.

"People of this country think they can change the way our government works. They think that they can teach us lesson in 2014 elections. Absolute rubbish. They don't even realise that world will come to an end in 2012. So, no chance for elections and us getting thrashed. Pity on them", Tewari further added.

When a journalist wanted to know the basis of his seemingly firm belief that world will come to an end in 2012, Tewari shot back, "Don't you watch India TV? They show it all day. In fact, special screening of one such episode was conducted for all Congress MPs at a senior minister's residence. After watching and re-watching that episode, our party has come to the conclusion that we don't need to mend our ways. We feel lot more confident now".

He has termed his theory as Vision 2012, a term remarkably similar to Vision 2020 which envisions India becoming a developed country by 2020. When asked to give evidence of his Vision 2012 theory, Mr. Tewari substantiated,"Look around yourself. Petrol is Rs. 75 per liter. Inflation is almost highest ever. You yourself say that corruption is like never before. There are terrorist attacks at will. Our PM has already told that he does not have any Magic Wand to tackle these problems. Now, if our PM firmly believes that these problems are beyond our control, we have all the reasons to believe that this is the beginning of the end".

He says his party has devised special strategy for Vision 2012 including advising MPs not to visit their respective constituencies. "When the world is coming to an end in 2012, why should they waste time in Constituencies. In fact, a team of spokesperson led by Mr. Digvijay Singh has been formed to make irresponsible statements to create public awareness that we just don't care. Its absolutely necessary to create this awareness so that public can realize at the earliest that waiting for 2014 elections is futile", he concluded.

Note: Article is a figment of imagination and a piece of satire.

'Modi' replaces 'Gandhi' as most powerful surname: AC Nielsen

In a shocking upset, 'Modi' has replaced 'Gandhi' as the most powerful surname in India, said an AC Nielsen survey released today.

A visibly satisfied duo of Narendra Modi and Lalit Modi appeared together at launch of AC Nielsen report. An effusive Narendra Modi thanked people of Gujarat, his party workers and (weak) party leadership for their support. However, he was specially thankful to Controlled Bureau of Investigation (CBI) which made him so popular. He called this whole turn of event 'MODIfication'. He was also full of praise for former IPL Commissioner Lalit Modi whom he has invited to open a cheer leaders academy in the state.

Mr Lalit Modi, who flew all the way from some unknown island in the middle of his vacation to attend this event rubbished all charges leveled against him but thanked BCCI for continuously keeping him in the news. He also criticized BCCI's plans of doing away with cheer-leaders and IPL night parties which he thinks will bring disrepute to IPL and the game of Cricket.

The report has created quite a stir in political circle. The Congress headquarter which is usually abuzz with activity had an uneasy calm today. Later in the day, a meeting was convened at residence of Mrs. Sonia Gandhi to chart out future strategy.

Appearing from the meeting, Congress spokesman Mr. Abhishek Manu Singhvi discredited the report calling it 'a farce' and 'biased'. He refused to divulge any further detail as he said demotion of Gandhi surname was an internal matter of Congress. When probed further, he said that Mr. Rahul Gandhi has proposed to stay in a Dalit village; this time in Gujarat, to take Mr. Narendra Modi heads on. Mr. Rahul Gandhi also proposed to hire a consulting firm who will give a detailed advisory on improving Brand Gandhi. Meanwhile, Congress has also decided to request Mrs. Priyanka Vadra to use Gandhi surname till the time, Gandhi surname retains the top spot. It was also decided to ask Mr. Sharad Pawar to slow down the investigation against Mr. Lalit Modi as investigation will give him further air time. Similar directions are likely to be given to CBI for proceeding slowly against Mr. Narndra Modi.

Ms. Mayawati, UP Chief Minister demonised both Congress and BJP on this matter. She said the power of both Modi and Gandhi surname is an insult to Bahujan Samaj who will teach them both a lesson. However, she welcomed the idea of Mr. Rahul Gandhi spending his time in Dalit village in Gujarat rather than Uttar Pradesh.

However, third on the list, Khan surname's flag bearers Aamir, Shah Rukh and Salman have decided to keep the rivalry going among themselves. Salman said stopping fight amongst themselves was too much a price to pay for a random report.

In Mumbai, cutting the party line, Mr. Raj Thackrey, whose surname slipped 2 positions, met Mr. Bal and Uddhav Thackrey on the pretext of ill health of Mr. Raj Thackrey. They have devised the plan of pan-Maharashtra opposition to both Modi and Gandhi surnames.

BJP president Mr. Nitin Gadkari hoped that any opposition to these surnames will not hamper the relationship (whatever is left) between Shiv Sena and BJP. He congratulated Mr. Narendra Modi for his performance. However, he categorically denied that this report will have any impact on party's plans (whatever that is!!) on projecting Mr. Narendra Modi as Prime Minister candidate in next general elections.


The article was prepared for Faking News. It abides by the disclaimers of Faking News.

Some quick fitness tips

All of us are busy in our lives. Commuting, working, surfing etc may not leave us with much time for working out. Add to it our bad food habits and all you get is Fat cocktail of yourself. So, what to do in such a situation to slow down the fattening process, if not stay lean. All this without losing much of the fun of eating. Here are the quick tips for the busy bees.

1. NEVER miss your breakfast. Its the first and most important meal of the day. Remember the saying - "Breakfast like a king; lunch like a noble man and dinner like a beggar." However, if you are too busy, grab fruit or milk or a couple of slices of brown bread. If you want to eat something sinful too, breakfast is the meal to have it.
2. Stop eating white breads as they contain Maida (refined flour). Have whole wheat breads instead. Apart from being healthier, they are much tastier. A word of caution, do not have Brown Bread. Many companies just add a brown colour and sell it as healthy brown bread. Avoid it. Specifically ask whole wheat bread. Similarly, try and replace butter and cheese with peanut butter / fruit jam.
3. Have something at every 2-3 hours. Sounds ridiculous and impractical. It is. However, still try to grab something to whatever extent possible. Our body is as clever as our mind. When you don't eat for more than 2-3 hours, body goes from anabolic to catabolic state (to say it crudely, from fat burning to fat storage stage). You have to cheat your body by eating something at regular intervals to keep it into anabolic state. Best options are almonds, nuts, fruits, biscuits. Avoid eating wafers, sweets and fried items.
4. Try and have as much fibre as possible. It not only helps in digestion, it doesn't add a bit to calorie intake. Have lots of cucumber, tomato, carrot, cabbage. Even fruits like papaya, guava, apple, and orange are high in fibre.
   
5. HAVE LOTS OF WATER. There is no substitute to water. Keep your water bottle filled whenever you are working long hours. Regular intake of water not only keeps the metabolic rate high, it is good for eyes when working long hours or watching a movie. Have more water whenever you have coffee or alcohol, as these cause dehydration.
6. If you've had a heavy or fatty meal and are feeling guilty about it, do not miss your next meal to cover your guilt. Two wrongs do not make a right. Overeating takes your body to catabolic state and then no eating keeps it in catabolic state. So, have something light to bring body back to anabolic state.
7. There is a saying - "No carbs after 6". However that is utterly impractical and impossible for us to follow. However, avoid fatty food, carbonated drinks and sugar in dinner. If you have a sweet tooth, and you cant resist the temptation to have dessert, here is a tip. Do not have dessert that have both sugar and saturated fatty acids (deep fried). So avoid Gulab-jamun, jalebi etc. Instead, have fruits with ice-cream, chikki, nuts chocolates (small measures).

These are just some basic tips which do not mess much with the fun part of eating. Moreover, diet constitutes only one of the components of fitness. Other aspects are exercise and rest. Any questions are welcome. Lets stay fit :)

Wishlist for Filmfare

My picks for Filmfare Awards 2010

Best Actor: Amitabh Bachchan (Paa) [Lack of exceptional performances this year :( ]
Best Actress: Priyanka Chopra (Kaminay) [Small but crisp role and fantastic acting]
Best Director: Raju Hirani (3 Idiots) [No doubts about it]
Best Film: 3 Idiots [Overall better than Dev D]
Best Supporting Actor: Abhimanyu Singh (Gulaal) [What a performance!!]
Best Supporting Actress: Arundhati Nag (Paa) [Finally she gets a role that does justice to her skills]
Best Villian: Kay Kay Menon (Gulaal) [No competition at all]
Best Comedian: Omi Vaidya (3 Idiots) [Wins hands down]
Best Debutant(Male): Omi Vaidya (3 Idiots) [Amol Gupte is awesome too]
Best Debutant(Female): Mahie Gill (Dev D) [Super performance]
Best Debutant Director: Zoya Akhtar (Luck By Chance)
Best Lyrics: Sudhir Mishra (Sahar Hamara from Gulaal) [Just listen this song. Will shake you completely)
Best Music: Amit Trivedi (Dev D) [Emotional Atyachar, Nayan Tarse, Pardesi...]
Best Singer(Male): Shankar Mahadevan (Sapno Se Bhare Naina - Luck By Chance)
Best Singer(Female): Kavita Seth (Iktara - Wake Up Sid)

Status Messages

Collection of some of my original Google Talk status messages:

1. If life is a box of chocolates, Murphy will make sure you are Diabetic
2. BOSS is a four letter word
3. I never lose. Either I win or you cheated. (Modified version of - I never lose. Either I win or I learn)
4. I am an atheist. God promise.
5. Crib and let others crib.
6. Even if you win the rat race, you still remain a rat.
7. If you think too much out of the box, you probably have got a small box.
8. I had promises to keep, miles to go before I sleep. But what do I do.. woods were so lovely dark and deep.
9. Thankf to Kaminey, I work for FBI. (24 Aug 09)
10. A finger is worth a thousand words. And if its middle finger, its worth a million words. (26 Aug 09)
11. Do not depend on others. Screw up on your own (27 Aug 09)
12. *Opinions are subject to market risk. Please read them carefully before applying (01 Sep 09)
13. Knowledge is Power. Power corrupts. Knowledge corrupts. (02 Sep 09)
14. Oil is precious. Do not burn midnight oil (04 Sep 09)
15. Red Bull and Beer should be given more importance than Bull and Bear. (10 Sep 09)
16. Every god has his day. Murphy has everyday. (14 Sep 09)
17. Cribbing connects. Like boozing and Smoking. (19 Sep 09)
18. A journey of thousand miles is too long to begin (25 Sep 09)
19. If every coin has two faces, does it also have two Facebook accounts? (06 Oct 09)
20. What happens if your predecessor is the dumbest person on earth? You get Nobel prize.
21. There are only three things to avoid life's frustration - 1. Sense of humuor, 2. swear words and 3. people who can appreciate first two. (28 Nov 09)
22. Whatever goes up comes down. Whatever goes down, goes into abyss (6 Dec 09)
23. Tiger..What did u do in Woods? (12 Dec 09)
24. An Idiot can change your life (08 Jan 10)
25. Everything is fair in love, war and cribbing (14 Jan 10)
26. Given the demand for sunshine after 3 idiots, sun will have to work overtime (5 Feb 10)
27. When going gets tough...Delegate (16 March 2010)
28. Every silver lining has a cloud surrounding it (28 March 2010)
29. Every day has its dogs (29 March 2010)
30. Some day you are statue and some day you are pigeon. The day I am pigeon, somebody hides the statue (2 April 2010)
31. Time can neither be created nor be destroyed. It can only be saved or wasted. More wasted than saved. (5 June 2010)
32. I agree with The Bible on all fronts except Sloth being a sin. And here, our differences are irreconcilable. (10 July 2010)
33. Either you are part of the solution, or you are a Consultant (17 July 2010)
34. Men evolved to become social animal, but bosses stayed animals (25 July 2010)
35. There are some things money can't buy. Only those things matter. (15 Sep 2010)
36. My life is an open book.. err...My life is a Face Book (19 Sep 2010)
37. Once upon a time, I had a life. Now, I have an FB account(19 Sep 2010)
38. Don't count what you've lost, unless its weight (1 Oct 2010)
39. Life is unfair. So many stress busters and so little stress (16 Oct 2010)
40. Things go really bad, before they go worse (18 Oct 2010)

41. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. More than that is Catastrophe (12 Nov 2010)

42. Murphy's Law - Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
    Corollary - Left to me, things tend to go from bad to worse a little faster

43. God created the world in six days and rested on seventh day. Most of us would have rested first six days and 'somehow' created the world on seventh!!

44. Today may be worse than yesterday but definitely better than tomorrow.
45. Money doesn't motivate me. Its all those things that money can buy actually motivate me!!
    

My PJs

Now thats Weapon of Mass Destruction. Some PJs may be a let down and some may be real tough to handle. Kindly bear. Your cooperation and more importantly feedback is solicited.

All PJs posted here shall be original. However if author comes across a PJ cracked by someone else, it shall be shared with all deprived souls and due credit shall be given to CRACKER i.e. person who cracked that PJ :-P

Why is King's chair called Singhaasan?
Because "Aasan=Chair" and.......... "Singh is King"

What's the new name for bookworms?
FACEBOOK - "Face in the Book" :D :P

If I open a medical store in Afghanistan, what do I become?
AL-CHEMIST :)))

Anshul - Give me a pen?
Anoop(my colleague) - What? You need a pen-drive?
Anshul - I have enough drive in me. Need only pen.

Team anthem of Ferrari --> MASSAkali MASSAkali